A Dream Deferred
Last Thursday, at 7:00 PM, I received the dreaded deferral from the college of my dreams. Don’t get me wrong- on some level I was relieved. After applying to a school with a single digit acceptance rate, I was glad I wasn’t flat out rejected like the majority of applicants are. However, I was more confused than anything else: without a clear answer or course of action, I was unsure of both how to feel and what to do.
I am a person of absolutes. I view the world in terms of extremes, of right answers and limited gray area. I despise the uncertainty of “maybe” and “might,” and make decisions efficiently and rationally. To say I would rather be rejected makes absolutely no sense. Deferral means I was a good applicant but not strong enough to be definitive, and shows that I still have a fighting chance in the regular decision pool. Yet I still couldn’t help feeling like I was stuck in the gray area I consistently try to avoid, and that the only thing lying ahead are months of painstaking waiting.
And so I scrolled. After an hour discussing the event with my parents and realizing the deferral gave me a lot more freedom, I crawled into my bed, turned on my phone, and opened Instagram. I knew this was a horrible way to deal with my feelings. A healthier way of coping would be taking a long shower, writing in my journal, or talking to my best friend. But that night, my usual common sense took a hiatus, as I did the one thing I knew would make me feel even worse.
I have always prided myself on having a healthy relationship with my phone, only using it when I’m bored. But this November, when college decisions started coming out, I disregarded my long standing attitude on social media and started a new nightly tradition of scrolling through Instagram stories and Tiktok until I got sick of seeing my peers get into their dream schools. The week leading up to December 17th, I developed the mindset that everyone was getting in but me. And if I am just as qualified as anyone else, why would I be the one outlier?
The flaws in my reasoning are quite obvious, but in the midst of this difficult process, I was unable to see how social media was affecting my thinking. It never occurred to me that those who are rejected or deferred don’t take to the internet, and that the only reason I thought everyone was getting in was because that was all I looked for. So when I opened my letter, and saw the dreaded “D word,” it was a reality check more than anything: acceptance to the most competitive schools are not a given for anyone. To think otherwise is setting yourself up for failure, which will only come back to hurt you.
After going through the first stretch of the college process, I have learned, cried, and grown. A few days out, my advice for peers and younger students is:
Don't put a single school on a pedestal. I made that mistake, and forgot that there are so many other places out there for me. The benefit of early decision is that it can greatly increase your chances, but can lead to devastation if you invest all of your hopes in just one (competitive) school.
Expect the worst, and hope for the best. If applying to very competitive schools, remember that all applicants are qualified, and to expect anything but rejection is unrealistic.
Stay off of social media. I let myself get caught up in the mentality that “everyone got accepted besides me” which is simply not true. More people than you can imagine do not get in, you just don’t see them posting about it.
Remember that a school does not define you. I am still struggling with this as I move into the next phase of my college process, but I’m trying my best to take these words to heart. I know that whether I go to my top choice or last, I will end up where I am meant to be.
I am both apprehensive and excited to see what the next few months bring. Deferral from my top school was not what I wanted, but it gives me more possibilities and adds an element of surprise. This round, I am going to stay off of social media, focus on myself, and stay positive, even in the face of possible rejection. It will be hard, but worth it. I am both nervous and excited to see where I end up– and can’t wait to finish the rest of my journey with a more positive mindset.
Jordyn Ives is a senior from New Jersey and NGP’s social media director. She is involved in politics and journalism and started her own organization.